Oiii out here with a social life yeah

that was really lame
I just ran way too far and almost fell a couple of times
Charles is really cute
We actually held hands when we were at the bus stop and not alone of very hidden
He said I was light when he picked me up
There were quite a few times when I felt like kissing him
But didn’t obviously
And I didn’t get a chance to say anything about it
There was a point when we were in the movie
A few points really when I thought I’d gotten my period
I hadn’t thank fuck for that cos I would’ve felt really awkward about it but I mean the alternative is also awkward for me at least
But we held hands through most of the movie and had my hand on his arm a lot too and he was tickling me and he did the maze thing I think when he felt a little awkward and was like I’m gonna make her laughter because this contact is getting serious
But it was good
The movie was fine
Braveheart was better of course
I have to tell Lily about it later when I get home cos I messaged her when I was waiting for them
I’m already at Riccarton this seems to be going way faster than it was on the way here
Like I’m supposed to get home like seven but ok
I didn’t want to leave and I also wanna have time with just Charles and I cos we haven’t really gotten that yet except on the bus
Mum might be annoyed when I get home
Cos I’ve been out almost all weekend
And I owe her time for Wednesdays
He was thinking about giving me his jersey but like them I’d have to give it back and also explain to mum why I had it and yeah that woulda been awkward
There were a few times when I felt like crying and I don’t know why
Hey you know I like you right
And it’s been a long time since I’ve been this happy
Like butterflies like melting like I’m falling please catch me
And it’s not often I write something happy and almost never that I write something happy about a boy
And yeah you’re special
To be continued???

I’m not sniffing my shirt

Cos it smells like him….
Anyway I got up way earlier than I wanted to on a Saturday but I went to Riccarton and met Charles there
We bussed to northlands and got a bit lost cos the of the bus but it was good to be with him again
And yeah we held hands again but there was more later
We walked around kaiapoi after getting driven a bit by George and found becca and Melissa went to her place and met the dog who was cute and then I had to take my tights off and went barefoot to dominos where I got him to get a pepperoni pizza cos he’d never had one before and I kinda are half of it
He was giving me a shoulder massage which felt really good and I could’ve fallen asleep then we walked back and I was awkward then becca and I made it into the bed first and she wanted him to not be on her bed so to start with I kinda tried to push him off but I actually just wanted him to be there so I gave up pretty quick at trying to stop him
Then it ended up he had his arm behind me which was "to stop him jabbing me or becca" but it was just really comfortable and I got to have me head on his shoulder
Then they went to get a speaker which becca made him go with her and I think it was to get him away from me now that I look back on it but it didn’t work cos I just stayed
Can’t remember how it happened but becca was fainting again which conveniently meant everyone paid attention to her and then Charles was away from me
Backfired though when after I sat on the floor he got me to go up and cuddle with him and it was great but I was looking at becca which she took from whatever facial expressions I made that I liked him and she was really disappointed in me and annoyed cos her mate Sam was thinking we were dating and apparently people at school also thought we were dating
I mean I would
And then we shuffled a bit and it was good and comfortable except when he was tensing but we weren’t really weird today cos we were just chilling
Left at five he bussed with me to Riccarton from being dropped off at northlands and we was stating close which I think was my doing and I hugged him and there were a few times when I really felt like kissing him but that’s not an option
Becca says that if he and I started dating she would slap him and wouldn’t talk to me again and we wouldn’t be friends
It’s apparently cos he had a thing with Sam but when I said that George said it was him that did and I remember her telling me that George had a thing with Sam to try get over becca
So she lied to my face
He’s real cute and I want something to happen burbs don’t make moves and he hasn’t done anything with anyone and I don’t wanna push anything
But my shirt smells like him
And my boots are broken


Have been made
For tomorrow and Charles and I are going together from Riccarton and I have to get up at like 8
Took my laptop to get serviced
Told alena the story of Charles and she followed him on instagram for me
I know what that means
Holly wasn’t there
Bill english is a dick and definitely not the kind of man I want running this country
I’m tired
Apparently Billy got punched by some year 10 there were guys talking about it on the bus so I would have heard his surname even if I hadn’t tried to find him on Facebook earlier
Rebecca is home
I don’t know how tomorrow is going to go
Now there’s WiFi but I have no laptop
And watching shit on my phone is well shit

mum and i really aren’t getting along

school wasn’t great
I’m going to pull out of the assessment thats due tomorrow for EFS
and probably out of the class altogether
and then ill just have bio and art and english
i feel sick
like bloated kinda feeling and its not fun
had a 1-1
went with kirsty to talk to brent about the unit standard and he doesn’t know how possible it is for me to do it
yesterday was a mufti day for st thomas of cantebury and billy was cute
but anyway
barely talked to anyone today
didn’t have becca or charles to message cos they were at course
but it seems like on saturday we’re all meeting up again
i don’t know why we aren’t making plans in a group chat but ok
i dunno
mum and i are still arguing
the performance tonight at CoCA was kinda shit there was basically no one there and it was lame and was pretty much a nonevent
i feel like shit
and i feel like crying
and brodie was at school today? i thought he had course but ok
he hasn’t talked to me even thought last night he said he would try not to not talk to me for so long


so the morning was ok i suppose
then we had a health talk and becca passed out and i stayed with her through all the blankets falling asleep ambulance dude and sick bay shit
libby thought charles and i were dating and becca said if we were she’d slap both of us
like excuse me are you going to hit me for being happy?
talked to him a lot today
poetry was ok
we all decided that we wanted to write today not talk about editing
i wrote something that people really liked
and i didn’t know how i felt about it really
then at the riccarton interchange i was waiting inside for my bus and then brodie came in
and i didn’t really care either way?
like i wasn’t happy to see him like i would have been like a couple weeks ago
and i wasn’t pissed either it just was
which i feel kinda bad about but like its been more than a week that I’ve been going I’m not going to message him because he’s just a dick to me and is he even going to message me if i don’t message him first and the answer was obviously not
charles can be a bit blonde sometimes
but he’s cute so ill allow it
but anyway brodie said he had been listening to stormzy and i is proud
but like thats it


i think i might have passed the internal
i found a unit standard i can do with my poetry i just need to find someone to assess it
been talking to charles most of the day
becca had a bit of a meltdown
mum and i aren’t great right now
i don’t know what else to say

thanks mum for just draining away all the happiness about the fact that i just kinda got asked on a date and thats really kind of you thanks so much I’m really enjoying this argument we’ve been having
theres nothing really to say about school
I’ve been talking to charles and it hasn’t been hard to talk to him even messaging and like thats one of my biggest weaknesses
thats it really


and why are all my post titles in capitals and also why after like three years or something am i still bad at titles?
that was a lot of questions
so i woke up early and wasn’t even mad about it
didn’t have to bus there because mum dropped me off (did home thought but thats an entirely different story that ill get to later)
the people were there as soon as i was with was fine
george was really late thought like an hour
and so i met beccas twin and charles for the first time
and he had a black eye
and the first thing i said to him was you were mean to me on the internet
which was weird
i don’t really know what to say about all the other stuff but they were all really great
we found melissa a bit after i got there
went to the warehouse and that was ok except they specifically charles were being disruptive to my very sensitive everyone is judging me and the people I’m around mentality
melissa was all over him and he let her which still confuses me
so we talked and whatever hung out sat around had no personal space i need to remember the present for becca tomorrow
the earrings
from australia
as in i need to find them now in the drawer that i can never really find things in in the dark
great plan hannah
anyway i think charles is a very tactile person
does that mean what i mean it to mean?
i know what i mean though
i feel kinda sick
hes cute not exactly as looks but as a person
so theres not really much specifically to mention until the last bit in pacnsave where he kinda hugged/held/somethinged me and it was weird and i said something like i almost licked him and then he said something else and i said maybe later
then he tazed me when we were walking and because i really wasn’t expecting it i actually yelped and kinda screamed a little which was really embarrassing
that was the weirdest weird it got but the other stuff was weird but not strange weird or weird weird just not like me weird
like i don’t know how to hit on guys and i don’t know how to make a move and i guess i kinda did some things but like i dunno
i think I’m getting week before period cramps or I’ve just eaten weird today
im aso getting pretty tired cos its actually taken me ages to write this
so lets get to the part i want to talk about
the other girls left and caught the bus together
the twin hugged him and george before she left which was the first time he had been hugged like that
george left and did george things
and that left charles and i trying to figure out who was busing where and how and all that
i didn’t want to cross the road not at the crossing place and he joked about holding my hand and then did while we crossed the road
it was weird but not bad and he kept telling me i had soft hands
after a decision he went with me on the orbiter to riccarton as in past school which i then had to bus back to and yeah it was good we didn’t run out of things to talk about and he was funny and it was cool
and then he poked me and i had a weird twitch and smashed my wrist on the back of the seat in front of me and he was in hysterics and it was cute
and then i was scared he was gonna do it again so i put my hands over his to stop him and then we ended up holding hands but it was right in right so it was kinda weird and i don’t know why i was so ok with it but it felt right and not weird but it as weird because it wasn’t weird
on like the first day i met him and lonely little me is basically planning our marriage for next month
not really but like i go way too much into what is really nothing cos as i said i only met him today and even though we spent like 6 hours together its not very long
so he came to riccarton with me and it as good and we kinda held hands again and he was being cute and awkward but also really funny and conversation was easy and i was having a good time
and then the bus came and he had to go
when he left he hugged me like he wanted to be there
as in like the second time he’d properly hugged a girl but like shiiiiiiit man all i can compare it to is how hugs from brodie have been lately like the minimum length while still being considered a hug but charles actually did the proper hug thing and it was great and i was happy except for the fact he was leaving
and that is that
i don’t know what will happen and i don’t know if anything will even happen but we kinda all want to hang out again and it has the potential for greatness
but i don’t actually think i can tell becca about it
i did tell lily though


not really hell but like close enough because of like the whole no real wifi thing
also i was awake too early this morning
hamish was using machinery and now we are just as bad as the asshole neighbour with his stupid deck and early morning power tools
trying to make plane with becca
i got really really bored

i think i woke up better this morning

but then not really because i still ended up almost late
managed though
a couple of days ago i started a list of all the bad things that happen to me like not just things that annoy me or the absence of something happening but an actual bad thing
so not almost missing the bus but actually missing the bus kinda thing
so its a pretty short list for only being around a few days and maybe it helps me realise that some things don’t matter as much?
I’m trying mot to swear as much and i mentioned it to jenny and now she gives me a look if i come close to
I’m ahead of alena in word cookies or i was when we let school
i figured out a little bit of an alphabetical trick which i don’t really know if it helps yet
i don’t know what else to mention
rebecca is home for the weekend and the wifi is back on sunday
when i got home from school i had to walk into the truck delivering stuff to the now dug up front lawn and then on the way out to work i had to walk into it again
the lawn is not lawn anymore