dreadful

its weird to think that if anyone in my life found this they would know exactly what i was doing with my life and exactly what i though of myself of them and of everyone else i know
the only person who i know that can actually find their way here is brodie and i think he might be the one person that it doesnt matter with
so i spent most of the day putting my dreads in for the first time with this set and theyre pretty snazzy
and watching more ncis
and helping with pirates day organisation
didnt actually do much
mum wasnt really at all opposed to me having a rabbit if i helped with stuff at home
which kinda freaked me out
didnt get any art done didnt message laneways and now its too late for that one
went for a walk though
i think ive gone off lift
thats probably the biggest thing i could say

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day two of something

i didnt do one of the things i though i was going to do mostly because i decided not to but also because i was scared and anxious and honestly ethan helped with that
ive watched thirteen episodes of NCIS and i think that is really gonna mess with my dreams tonight
ya know how i said i needed some inspiration for a colour scheme i found it pretty soon after i made the post which is cool and so i did that today and also bought the new dye so thats something
struggled with food
i need to go for a walk tomorrow or a bus ride but i also need to put my dreads in and paint rose’s thing which i dont know if i can do both in the same day
i have almost finished the arm chair and have made a pretty decent start on the chimp
bout it really
watched the zuccs first livestream on insta last night was a thing

I made a plan and stuck to it

though i really should have booked winnie bagoes earlier like i had thought i wanted to but then didnt because i was like im probably just being paranoid and wont need to actually book it so pre but turns out…. so now we’re having it at 5:30 because yeah thats the thing now
but yeah
painted mums thing that took a podcast and an half hour after
went outside and spray varnished it
not really how i like it but whatever
went to hands and got the right colours of felting wool for the suit and armchair which was good
mum and rebecca are pretty worried about my hands from the felting but ive finished my dreads now so it shouldnt be so bad
i was really lost with something to do last night because i had finished them so thats why i started the chimp then so ive basically got the body fleshed out from then and ive got the chair in pretty good progress now too so thats something
im painting again tomorrow but dont really have any inspiration for that… i have to either find someone to make it for or some purpose for it or like a colour scheme i really like

fifty one

so mums birthday
the only reason i woke up before like 11 was dad texted me to say happy birthday to mum and that he’d see me on the 16th
theres this whole thing im worried about for that like who is paying for it?
does mum? does dad? like who???
split parents in the same room maybe i shouldnt have decided to do it this way
i really dont know
but basically we went to south library and i finished my dreads and we watched a movie and yeah
thats it like nothing interesting
was just bleh
a day
it happened

almost over

so ive been making this new set of dreads for who knows how long and im on my last one
in before i dont end up using like ten of them
no but like its the fiftieth its the final one
its so close
i want to say ill have them all finished tomorrow but like its mums birthday and i dont think ill be able to
who knows
i stayed up till like near two last night because i was too bored to sleep
its shit
ill message the peeps at thing on tuesday and ill book on monday THAT ARE MY PLANS
also need to in person discuss the entirety of fwibs with ma lady and see how she is in general

oh

so its the first proper day of not having to do anything and ive already run out of stuff to do pretty much
i want to get out of the house but not with family
like i wanna do shit
but i either have no one to do it with or dont have the money or means to without family
rebecca is home and thats about it

day

i didnt hate work
i was being really nice to people so i think i tricked myself into having a nice time
ethan seemed really happy that i was back from work and talking to him
like really happy
so the other day i watched both teen beach movies and i can now see what sarah used to say about ross lynch being like my ex
or my ex being like ross lynch whatever
so i said to loghann the other day something about the way ethan and i are friends is like a relationship where you’re so against pda that you only message eachother and never talk in person or acknowledge one another in person
had the meeting with mum and steven and that went fine
im going to talk to him about travel and stuff
packed a box of stuff to go to the kiln but i dont know if it will

not much

kinda the beginning of the holidays but not really
decided not to go into school today and jsut go tomorrow for when the meeting is and then pack stuff into the car then
i think mum is assuming that im bringing home all my sculptures and stuff but im not its just some clay and a couple things to paint
i feel kinda shit to be honest though
im going through all the songs i used to listen to like at the beginning of high school a bit before and a bit later but like its weird how well i still know the lyrics to ancient taylor swift songs i havent heard in years
thats about it

shaun in 2024

so i didnt have the best morning
theres something about that black hoodie that just works and i dont know why
maybe because its black but its something
photos were odd
went to get pizza with loghann and went to the playground
told her the story of shaun and the blind date
there was some kind of pokemon go thing next to the park that there were a whole bunch of people around
came back for lunch said a not very good but funny in a very messed up way about chris brown and fuck then loghann and i ended up on the floor laughing and i dunno
i think ita a little weird how ethan wasnt at all weirded out by that behaviour
if i wasnt me i would have hated myself
then i dont know what
work was meh
didnt have a mop then for some reason it was outside
i opened the parcel from sugarbombs and its all awesome
she threw in a couple extras like bath sugar and a lipbalm (which im in love with)
its ok with steven that im not doing the thing

not long now

the best nintendoman was on the bus on his lonesome today for who knows why but it was kinda sad to see him alone but like none of my business only saw the back of his head the whole time
didnt do much in art to be honest i finished the one i made friday and also now have finishes on all of the ones that need to go to bisque
i emailed steven saying i cant do the speaking thing on friday
barely saw ethan aside from lunch and im pretty sure we were all going kinda insane like i ended up sprawled on the couches then fully lost it and from then on it was pretty mental and the boys were play fighting pushing each other around ethan fell on the floor it was pretty entertaining to watch
i shared one of the not quite call of the void thing but just like a revelation or a coming to the top of your consciousness like something you know but dont think about it with loghann which was everyone has a dick… not everyone obviously but like sometimes it just hits me that all these people have penises and it weirds me out
also theres the thing
‘crazy? i was crazy once. the put me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. rats drive me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once’
i said it to rose earlier in the day and then i sent it to loghann in the most insane way that was possible and she came to fucking find me and see if i was ok
being mental is good