first day backkkkkkk
and i don’t really know what to say
saw people in louise’s homebase before purple and they had some pretty good reactions to my hair
saw miriam too she’s back and loves the dreads
watched youtube for the first time in what feels like a lot longer than it actually was and went on a little rampage through button poetry because i didn’t want to watch interstellar and also i was in a poet-y mood because of the workshop being in the afternoon
brodie came in late as usual and he didn’t say anything to me so after a while i poked him in the leg and waved and that was it basically
he doesn’t like the dreads
idc he never likes anything i do with my hair fuck him
i wonder how the whole being hoe thing is going
but also i don’t want to ask because i don’t want details
found some new stuff i like
then class was over and to community which wasn’t so bad
i think the whole school thing isn’t so bad because I’m actually doing something and I’m enjoying not being bored no matter what I’m doing i guess
break i went and got a lift with becca which was ok and we talked about stuff
then art which wasn’t so bad because i actually kinda tried an idea that i wanted to for a while like along the lines of falling into a voting booth and being smothered with politics which turned into three things with the three prime ministers that have held the position when I’ve been alive (except for whoever was in before helen clark because she was elected in the year of my birth but i only just realised that there would’ve been a couple months when it was someone else not her) and like ending up in a corner and then in a waterfall of red and blue dye(?) and then with vines then the hiding behind the polling booth
so thats that
had lunch took photos went to mentoring for art
art isn’t good for mentoring i need more than half an hour to do anything worth getting stuck into like i could on fridays but like other days not so much on a normal day its more for yellow and pbl
then there was efs where we have a new student teacher which i don’t like as much as sharnae but mostly because she isn’t sharnae and for no real reason
i don’t really know what we actually did though
talked about some stuff and i left 20 mins early
there was a really interesting guy on my bus like a cool guy like alt af and great and he was in the 2m can’t look distance which was sad
(brodie says being a hoe is going good and i feel gross)
that just killed my mood
i should not ask questions i don’t want the answers to
i don’t learn
but i wrote and observation thing about the guy which is weird but i also kinda like it though i only liked it while i was writing it and looking back on it i havens read it again so i can’t be sure
so i guess i have to more onto all the to tuam st shit
caught the but there was the guy he got off at the exchange got off at the stop and walked till i was sure i was in the right place
then wandered around the other streets to kill time because it was like half an hour till four still or a bit more so i went on an adventure
there was a guy on a bike that may have said something to me but i had my music in and he was leering at me in like a really gross way and kept looking back at me to the point where i thought he was going to stop and actually try and talk to me
but he didn’t and i kept talking i found the little dairy place and then down the road corner of tuam and nursery(?) rd was a bigger dairy and i got another lift which i probably shouldn’t have gotten
(stop trying to talk to him he doesn’t care)
(like seriously stop youre going to end up making yourself feel worse)
i wore purple lipstick today??
so people were there
i knew all of them from school (jessi) and faultline and rising voices (troy is the only guy and yes I’m disappointed theres no others like ben or josh goys who write are interesting)
we did the whole explain your name origin and why we write thing and it does really feel like rising voices
writing activity was cool was like the other ones we did where sarcasm became fear
might be doing a thing next thursday??
but stop was a while
bus was fine and i thought of noah
wrote about him too
and other weird stuff too
started a patchwork poem with all the noah stuff and i don’t know if its going to work
i invited him to faultline on facebook don’t know if he’ll see it or go if he does but i did it when i was at riccarton station then 100 home was the really nice lady driver who i used to get sometimes on the way home last year
i decided that since i don’t take rest days with the app i can take rest days when i feel like i need them which was today with everything I’ve done
i think i need to wash my hair and dreads tomorrow night and ya know put them in nice for friday
but then they get fluffy in the weekend so I’m not sure
i still feel kinda sunburnt which is weird
i don’t know whats going on
and now I’ve run out of things to say


lilly was at school and thats when it started wrong
basically went to the supermarket and i got a v like one of the new ish ones the pink spiked punch
its decent actually
then wandered round for ages and i was kinda third wheeling them which sucks cos i know they don’t mean it but its just how it is
then eventually becca and george got there and it was kinda awkward and yup thats it
went back to the girls
and then was like actually the other ones
then ditched class to go to the cafe with george and becca and it was actually pretty great he’s cool and as far as i can tell a pretty decent guy
then it got to the point where was like hey I’m actually enjoying myself with these guys more than i was walking around with lily and jess because i feel like this is actually a even interaction and not just them and me
so lunch with them too went to the supermarket (had already gotten a lift at the cafe) and then got a dr pepper
ended up sitting in the stairs place like the other day and there was still this thing of who is worse me or charles but apparently we need to be together for that to be figured out
and now i know who ben is
the guy i said happy hanukah to the other day
now mutually following on instagram
he’s actually kinda ok a little bit maybe i don’t want to commit to a positive judgement right now
then the girls ended up with us and i kinda chose against them
ended up back at the cafe i kinda crashed and it was alright
walked a little way with just george to the orbiter road and thats it for school
oh and brodie was sick but i couldn’t bring myself to say that i missed him because that would be a little uncomfortable
badly drawn tiny politicians is now a thing
progressing to also badly painted tiny politicians
which are going to have something to do with my art folio
i like them but i don’t know how they fit with any artist model or anything like that
watching season two of lucifer now because season three has just started on tv
nothing else really
hands class again tomorrow but the thing is i don’t want to make him clothes now
or at least not stuff him
and by him i mean Otis

I’m actually really proud of myself

i may have hated every minute of it but i have completed my 30 day challenge
it has kinda become a habit now
I’m now kinda stressing about the meeting on monday because people are really important
and its all the teachers and i don’t like it
but I’m going to go numb my brain with youtube and ignore it once I’ve written this
guitar was decent and holly was back today
then we talked about my folio which i don’t really get what I’m doing except for the fact that i need to stop generating and need to start regenerating ideas instead
and then jess used her card to buy the fidget spinner of doom and i payed her back
its also getting delivered to her place not mine because i don’t want mum to know and also theres more likely to be someone at her place to sign for it or whatever
id say its $25 well spent
and now i need to stop spending money on things
but the lady at the hot food counter in new world (cos jess needed to buy water and i bought food because I’m a little shit) is great and on wednesday she gave me two sour cream tubs with my wedges and she did the same today as well though she did go to pick up one of the smaller bags for a cordon bleu because thats what i usually get
then i went with sophie into the art room in mentoring and did some stuff then it was class so she left and jess came and it was pretty good we shared headphones even though i had the splitter because it was the one day she didn’t bring hers
and we left at half two which meant i caught my old bus with the st Thomas boys which was kinda weird and i saw nathan for the first time in a very long time but he ended up not seeing me and sitting behind me
ryan was also on the bus and after a while we were the only two people on the but that weren’t in that blue yellow uniform
the driver was kinda shit and kept missing stops
then work
and rebecca is coming home tonight


thats the word that i needed when i was trying to draw and label the plasma membrane diagram today but theres other things to talk about first like lots of things because i feel like I’m actually doing things with my life
nothing happened in english for a while till i asked richard if i could talk to him about a non class related thing which was politics
i told him that i was enrolled to vote and didn’t really know what to do about finding out more and he gave me the richard answer and the teacher answer
he doesn’t vote because he feels like he doesn’t know enough to make and educated decision about who he should vote for that would be best for what he agreed with and thought was important
then he said that the teacher answer would be to do loads of research and invest hours into it which neither of us are really prepared to do he also mentioned he kinda knew about on the fence which i told him that id done and he said that i was then probably more educated on politics than 90% of the country which i don’t agree with but he said if he could he would let me vote for him
then ana holly and i talked to him after class about the classroom² and we had a date then kitty talked to him about camp dates so then we couldn’t have it when we thought and we went and ferried the question to brent who came back with us
then in green we went to find liam and got him to create an email for us to use as our google classroom account
then talked to steven about wanting to run something at a staff meeting and he told us if we wanted to do just a campus meeting to talk to duncan
so we talked to duncan about it and it was kinda iffy but we’re penciled in for the 26th
we went back to the other richards homebase and created classroom² and made a couple of videos but we had background noise in it so ana is going to have to figure out how to mute it
then i got a text from mike and i went to go meet chloe who seems pretty cool and we’ve arranged for the three of us to have lunch on tuesday next week
went back and they’d found out which forms can be digitised and sent out the survey
then we discussed how we thought we would need to have extra time and not being sure about the whole we only have three weeks left of term so we said we would meet up again in mentoring to talk to brent about it
i went to the cafe with sophie h and we actually had a pretty good and not awkward chat and then back in her homebase it was kinda weird because her ashleigh and he other sophie were talking about when they first met and then ended up getting to talking to primary school in general and i managed to join in and it was really ok
like ok ok ok and I’m not used to that
he suggested that we do the meeting next monday even though its pretty close and I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE TO TALK TO THEM ANAD ASK IF WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF TIME FOR IT
id really rather not be there but they need me?? apparently I’m really good at doing stuff which i don’t get
then there was bio where we did some stuff with DNA that i think I’m starting to kinda get a little better with and then we did a cantamaths style quiz and i was in a group with josh (jacobs brother who is pretty cool) xavier and ana and they didn’t really (as in ana cos josh was the runner and xavier didn’t do much??) think we were doing that well but i was pretty sure we were and as it turns out we won and chose to share a bag of fruit bursts
then i ended up missing my bus and then ended up sitting in the middle of the back next to fern who was in my usual seat and deans sister who was next to her and there was a young boy who was kinda taking up two seats cos him and his scooter were in the way of moving over so there was kinda a spare seat next to me but not really
then dan got on and ended up standing in the top aisle in front of me
like all i could see of the whole bus was a couple of seats either side of me and his ass
and BOTH THE WINDOWS WERE OPEN AND ME BEING IN THE VERY MIDDLE got both of then fucking up my hair the whole time and i was dying
when ella(?) got off dan ended up sitting next to me
that was all
literally all it was he didn’t even say hi or anything
i did see brooke though didn’t get to say hi but yeah smiled and shit
and then work which i was at all by my self and i think mr topham was hiding from the cleaning parents and students
then home and thats it
i feel lime I’m actually doing stuff and I’m not sure how i feel about it because i don’t really know whats going on and i don’t really feel like i have time to myself anymore but i don’t need any really because i internally and personally and emotionally don’t really have anything i need time for
i don’t have any problems and i don’t know how i feel about it

longest night for a very long time

and yet i don’t really feel tired
have to admit though i was fuzzing out on the bus home
stayed up the whole night watching videos waiting for the livestream of the charity match to begin
I’ve still got some left because by the time the stream was over it was basically time for me to get up and i was really hungry
so the result was 2-0 loss to SDMNFC
it was gutted
really really gutted after all they’ve done to get this going but they’re raised almost THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR CHILDLINE
it was stress
hell of a lot of stress which makes me really sad that they didn’t even get a goal guess thats thanks to hugh wizzy though who was on the all starts team this year
despite the guys complaining last year that people rushed the pitch after the game last year and an announcement during half time or something this year telling them not to the fucking idiots still rushed the pitch and once again they couldnt do the cup ceremony
so then mum took me to buy her a laptop and external disk drive and order my new charger
then to school where i got really confused with my classes
went to new world with brodie at lunch which was kinda ok
then i went to talk to mike about the peer support thing
then waiting at the bus stop brodie got there just as i was about to leave and i got a hug which was fucking great
and then like i don’t know what else to say
I’m going to set up mums laptop and yeh go watch youtube for a while
also holly volunteered me to read some poetry for some kids but I’m going to have to really think about it

i dont what

three years no and i still can’t title well
some things just don’t change
I’m forgetting how to type because I’m just used to jumping to the next tab and to the links and whatever and not actually typing shit
so i was late to school
and i didn’t go into purple because there was a speaker and i didn’t want to disrupt
turns out i wasn’t even on the roll
but holly fixed that later
so i did some art stuff
in pbl i was going to talk to mike but he was busy basically the whole time so i had a one to one in the office then did more art
lunch was weird with the shitshow that was the post by jess and teresa on alena’s facebook
then bio which is actually pretty decent at the moment
tomorrow I’m not really going to school
but work was ok
did art once i got home
mum actually liked some of it
its going ok at the moment

some other shit happened that i forgot about until i tried to go to sleep
the one time
THE ONE FUCKING TIME since the conversation that i could have ended up on the bus with the kid but nope walked behind him all the way to the stop but then he stayed and caught a different fucking bus
and at work i became a plumber
it was great really because the plugholes that are supposed to be drop proof aren’t
the from of my earring fell in and i thought i was screwed but then i realised i could take off the ceramic cover and try and figure out if i could retrieve it and then i messed around with a u-bend and unscrewed the two ends of it spilt quite a bit of water on the floor drained the rest out and retrieved the earring
and i managed to put everything back together again

scared for my not exactly life but momentary wellbeing

im glad day five was a rest day
im not sure if it was a coincidence or not
english was meh
brodie sat next to me again he smelled like smoke and it hurt my head
but what was the point in saying anything
i tried even more to write the essay but it still wasn’t working
then break where i saw loghann after a basically same as usual community meeting
then went to the cafe stayed there with becca a while then remembered that loghann was in yellow class now so went back to that and did some work and we laughed about things that i can’t really remember but it was great
then lunch we played sweet valley high which because of the company fucking hilarious
and then monopoly
which is where shit started getting bad
there was also some jokes made with me loghann and her boyfriend having a threesome
and then we said we loved each other
and then they mentioned it to alena’s boy hamish and we (well me and loghann) ended up talking to him saying some pretty weird shit and he was i think still thinking it was alena
but it was along the lined of threesomes and he assumed it was two guys and said it was only gay if the balls touched (Lila said we didn’t have balls and i said not yet we don’t you know the usual reply) then Lila told me to reply and i said something like i don’t want to be involved in this i don’t want to take part in it i only want to spectate
and then she told him i said that and it turned into me mentioning Eiffel towering and him not getting it but making a dick joke and i said something about going sight seeing to the leaning tower of pizza too
it was a wild ride
and then there was the whole fucking speed monopoly which stressed me out
i went into jail on my second turn Lila had a secret stash of money in her laptop but i cleaned it out with my four railways which i didn’t have till we traded marylebone plus $150 for bond or oxford
then i just smashed it
but the thing was it was really stressful and i had no idea what was happening most of the time i was shaking and overheated and i was trying to buy a property by the time three more turns had already been taken and i felt like we were all cheating because i couldn’t keep track of what was going on
i won by default of ho had the most money when we had to pack up and go to class
but i was ill and lightheaded and really just off
so i told brent i had to go buy food and then EFS was just weird and i didn’t like it and we’re going to have to write another report for the thing thats taking us eight weeks to do
BUT when we were voting for what we were going to do and to mark on the board which one we wanted to do and i put smiley faces up for sophie holly and i and then everyone else started dong it
i think brent is annoyed at me
half cos i don’t do work and half because I’m disruptive and do stuff like that
good thing for him then that loghann isn’t in bio anymore 😦 but not a good thing for me
thats it for school but there was a culture puzzle at work and no i have it and i finished it and its cool and i like it

And So It Begins

first day of term two
bus went fine but didn’t get my normal seat so it wasn’t really fine at all
first class wasn’t bad read the whole time except going for a walk with kitty
at one point brodie messaged me asking why i wasn’t in class even though id been there the whole time and i didn’t even think he was there but i was half off a seat and kitty was between us and i hadn’t even thought he would be in class because he never is anyway
sent him a photo of richard because i couldn’t be arsed with words
community was just as bland as usual
went to the cafe with becca after and got a lift and it was the first id had in two weeks
then it was art which loghann is now in which is great and terrible at the same time because at one point she looked around and…
L: i smell red bull
Me: i just burped it was probably lift
and then we laughed about it for a solid five minutes and she was crying about it
and then there were other things like when she first said she was in the class i did like what is it raise the roof thing? and we were under the drying rack so she said raise the rack and i was like i immediately connected rack to boobs
raise the boobs
then lunch and we played two games of sweet valley high with everyone and then she and i had a two board speed round which was a little intense and we still kinda need to clarify the rules but we’ll get it eventually
efs was kinda a nonevent
i told brent i wasn’t doing the report so i looked at some guy who came up with a way to clean up the trash islands
then home then work then reading then now
about to youtube for the first time today


more like broke
but its a card game that i learnt today and its pretty cool
its georgias birthday today and i got tagged in her photos that alice put up
the funny thing is i took most of them
I’ve been working on the stuff for art
i didn’t go and see Mike because i was doing the art stuff and its not like i desperately need to talk to him but its kinda a balancing thing
might meditate later
do i even have time though
i need to do as much as i can with the analysis things before class tomorrow
which also means i need to do my own ones too without looking at them which is hard unless I’m going to be able to get them done before 10:45 tomorrow
I’ve got one of the Egon ones to finish and another whole one to do then i can staple them together
i might just do some chill art after that maybe a magpie thing cos i need to keep doing them
also need to get more wool
and practice guitar
i got a lot to do
and finish the english first response thing and figure out what I’m going to do for the second response and email richard about it
so bio was pretty good today cos we were doing microscope stuff and i knew how to do it already
it was really cool to do all the focusing things but then i couldn’t take a photo of it through the lens which was annoying but it was still one of my favorite of those classes
i don’t know whats gonna happen with jarrod tonight


today seemed to be the day for ripping out on the teachers
but ill get to that chronologically
talked to jarrod for quite a while last night i guess or at least more was said i think
i might rate the goodness level of a conversation based on how emotional it is
english was kinda ok as english classes go
still not really doing much though not taking notes or whatever
then community time which was ok we played duck duck goose and chinese whispers
jack is interesting
harry was nothing and neither was sam or jack or ollie but jesus the hay twins
HOLY ACTUAL FUCK (me)(um no tho)
i knew the kind of guys you would grow up to be and even five years since i last saw them and even since they’ve grown up i can still tell them apart
art was next and holly said my paintings are pretty good
finished one i think
which its weird that i finished that one because its the one I’ve spent less time on
need to do the artist pages and shit like i have them at home now but i dunno i might not even end up doing them
basically my life is just counting down to 7pm because thats when i said to jarrod id be able to skype him
then lunch and went to the cafe with brodie then went to the supermarket with brodie and when we were in his homebase everyone was talking about teachers and who they didn’t like and shit and it got to stuff like frances and beks being feminazis and there had been roomers that beks had been sleeping with students and then stuff about pete and yeah it was pretty weird and kinda anarchistic
then in red which i was supposed to be at at 1 not 1:30 today but we did stuff from a workbook and i talked to amy which was kinda cool and then that was it
its almost 7 and I’m scared