Last day of being 17

i think i should say some things about turning 18
maybe write a poem about it
but i have other shit to say first before i get too sentimental
and as usual a bit heavy on the mental side
i also think i might message some certain people stuff i think is kinda important
but ill get to that
basically i woke up and then ended up in a rush because rebecca and i were going to lunch with dad
while i was in the shower i was thinking that its my first birthday without grandma and grand-dad and that I’m turning 18 and i miss them and i never really mourned either of them and theres so much grand-dad hasn’t seen of my life and there will be so much to come that the won’t be there for and so i asked mum if we can go to the crematorium tomorrow
wrote something for the boy
then went to lunch at denny’s the place of gods and had nachos as usual and talked a bit but dad and rebecca did a lot of the talking about driving and stuff but when i did make comments on stuff i felt more like myself and i didn’t feel weird about it except for feeling weird about how it didn’t feel weird
wrote something for the wife
then at home i didn’t really do much but sit on youtube and think about stuff
i painted my nails and
HOLY SHIT I ALMOST LOST THIS ENTIRE THING
im an idiot
did the workout and stretched a pathetically little amount
and I’m almost finished all my dreads and i think i might make it to forty
in before i don’t have enough dreads to finish all my hair
i might be able to steal some of the purple ones from my other set if that happens and if i can find some thin ones
and one for jarrod
i feel like it could be considered leading him on? but i don’t think he’s in an emotional state to be lead so does it matter?
i don’t really know if i have anyone else to say anything to

i think what I’m saying in the things to these people is basically all i need to say to go I’m done with being seventeen and i can be a little bit different and a little bit better starting from tomorrow
and i know some things will still stay the same like how I’m not going to be confident doing some things on my own or with my art and my writing for school stuff but i can’t just change everything overnight

I’m grateful for everything that has happened and how its impacted me as a person and who i am now and what i want to do with my life because of it and I’m even more grateful that after everything we’re friends again and i care about you a hell of a lot more than i do for the majority of other people in the world and i hope you have hope for your future and manage to do whatever it is you end up wanting to achieve.. love you man :3

wife wife wife wife wife i love you a hell of a lot and I’m proud of you for everything you’ve done so far and can’t wait to see everything else you do with your life because its going to be amazing because youre amazing and ill be here for you whenever you need me and i hope we can still manage to see each other even though I’m crap at making plans and then actually doing them but i swear next weekend if youre free we’ll do something

heyyyyyyy so i know we don’t always have much to talk about and sometimes conversations just end out of nowhere but I’m really grateful that after everything we can still talk and i can almost promise that oneway ill fly over and something will happen because we need to be weird in person at least once in our lives and I’m glad that i made an account on that stupid site and then messaged you back x

I’m getting old and when you get to my age things that used to mean a whole load and were so important get put into perspective a little bit

tomorrow i’ll be eighteen

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