I’m scared of answering facebook messages

guitar was ok rebecca came but I’m considering not going back next term
then school was fine did some art made some backgrounds
need to make sure i do stuff during the weekend and the holidays especially
then went home early because i wasn’t really doing anything and then caught the early bus with all the st T’s boys and i was the only girl on a full standing bus
the was a small foreign kid that two other boys were making fun of i think I’ve mentioned one of them in one of my phone notes before and then the other was an older guy and they mentioned their ages but thats when i started listening and didn’t catch it
where this whole thing is going is…
(well i just read the messages from Alice and it took a couple minutes to process LIKE ACTUALLY WOULD NOT HAVE EXPECTED THAT TO BE A THING)
the kid they were making fun of not mean fun but bro fun said something about the older dude being rich cos of his phone then something else then said something to me and i wasn’t really sure what it was and i kinda just rolled my eyes and they laughed a weird lots about it and i don’t really know what happened
so it took me a while to decide if i was going to faultline because of the guest list (its not a guest list but whatever its the people that have said they’re going or interested) but i made the decision to go pretty last minute and almost didn’t have time to straighten my hair
glad i did because the great line ‘your hair is straighter than i am’ came about thanks to jessi who was there with a boy that she has a thing with and its a cute adorable thing and its great for them and I’m happy for her (it helps that he said he loved my hair and we said and did the same thing at the same time a couple times)
i think i caught my belly button piercing on my belt a couple times which hurt but i think its ok.. in before it has a fucking implosion and gets infected
bree read something she’d written about her mother and i didn’t really know what to expect from her except something depressing and mental health related so i was kinda right
kept accidentally looking at him
dressed like maze so actually felt a little good about myself for once
i wasn’t going to read but i took my book anyway incase i changed my mind which i did and ended up going second to last (thought i was going to be last but ok) and yeah it happened
the vibe was better than last month more people even though people didn’t click or clap as much as they used to but i got a bit more and i felt kinda good about what i was reading which was the one that starts with and then he called me beautiful and ends with part of the poem Mike wrote
i was pissed at myself and kinda everyone so i decided to read and i was going to read a really brodie centred one but then decided against it because I’m good with him at the moment and didn’t wanna piss about also felt a little bad for bree if i did like who wants to hear someone talking shit about the guy youre with especially since he said it was a little iffy at the moment (didn’t look like it to me but ok)
there was a point where i was considering the “i am not a victim of abuse” poem but was not a good thing considering all the things i just said
saw sam too which was kinda weird
just found more proof that id actually seen josh perform before
so i read and kinda enjoyed it
a couple people said they liked it
got lovely hugs form Alice (also when i got there brodie was walking out and i didn’t pay attention to who he was with and hugged him while falling down the stairs was a great time) and she said i had the power to ban either of them from the after school workshop and honestly that would be great but its not fair and i don’t know if ill even be able to make it because of work
but she also messaged me after and said the thing that really surprised me and i don’t really wanna say it because ill feel bad if he reads this even though he probably won’t and if he started probably wouldnt have gotten this far because damn this is messy
she said something that implied i was threatening and yeah it was a surprise because i know its coming from someone with low self-esteem and insecurities but whatever like i kinda get it sure but also i don’t like i don’t matter at all man like who’s he dating? not me ok so calm down cos I’m am and forever will be the ex with the messy fucked up problematic relationship and thats all
we aren’t ever going to be more than that again
he said he liked the bit about holly and dan and it made him laugh
then there was food and thats it
OHHH NO IT AINT
i started writing something

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