last night was terrible

for any other teenager talking about a saturday night it would have something to do with relationships or parties or some alcohol fuelled incident
but no i was crying in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning because mum was gone and everything was out of control
i don’t really want to go into detail about it but its the most upset I’ve been in a very very long time
like years
and the only person i had to talk to was brodie so i don’t know how tomorrow is gonna go
and in general really because i was away all of last week
still no puppy
i slept on the couch because i couldnt make myself go up the hall
i made my bed today and i don’t think anyone would realise how much of a stressful experience it is for me to do that
like i honestly can’t remember the last time i did and I’ve only done it a handful of times since i got my new mattress with is how all the stress about it started
its half 6 and mum still isn’t home
i knew it was going to be this evening but i didn’t know how late
my hair was a mess from sleeping through the hairspray as predicted but now I’ve tinted it
been listening to the black sorrows again
i haven’t eaten anything other than the left over pizza fejoas and toast and i don’t know what I’m going to eat for tea
it should probably be something better than pizza and mcdonalds like yesterday so…
my body hurts
from exercising yesterday and today and also from crying last night i guess but it shouldn’t be
like i shouldn’t still have a headache and sore eyes and i would much rather sleep on the couch again tonight than go back to my room
i know what I’m saying now but i don’t know how that would change when mum comes home
I’m probably going to cry when she gets back i don’t think ill be able to help it but i don’t want to
i hate showing my feelings like that
i hate it
but when i was talking to myself last night/this morning i recorded some of it
thats all ill say about what happened then
im not looking forward to tomorrow


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