help

i don’t know what i want though
i don’t know what can help
i think what i need is not to cry alone
but theres no one
and i need a hug but theres no one
and I’m sure jarrod would skype me if i asked
but I’m scared to because i think i would back out as soon as i said it
i just opened the thing
i can’t
i need to try and help mum with grandmas stuff but i just can’t i don’t know whats going on i just froze up and the jittery thing started and i just can’t do anything
my hands still aren’t working properly
can’t watch the yu-gi-oh movie
went to lunch with dad he talked about work and the same lady he’s told me about the last two times we had lunch together
he also asked what i was doing in january because he wants to take us to sydney
i don’t know if i want to go
i don’t not want to go
i mean I’ve bean before
though not intentionally
but that doesn’t mean i would want to go either
honestly id rather go to Adelaide and see jarrod
but then I’m not sure if i want that to happen either
no i do
it would be nice i think
maybe
or maybe I’m just really lonely and he’s someone who will care even if i give him no reason to
i suppose hes to me like i am for brodie
except i think brodie and i are becoming more mutual in our need for support
or more comfortable asking for it even if i still don’t really know whats going on with him
talking book is still going
i might watch some csi later on
but I’m not sure
i don’t think I’m really sure about anything at the moment
will i ever be
typing this has been hard
why don’t my hands work

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