Day Two

i woke up at five ish not sure why
i guess its equivalent to 8am back home
went back to sleep again maybe and woke up just past 6
rebecca left and went for a run soon after that
breakfast was ok the bowl wasn’t too bad
long drive to Tamborine mountain for the walk which i didn’t want to go on obviously
it wasn’t like i hated it but at the end i did get really fucking tired and almost fell asleep a couple times on the way back
dad isn’t used to doing things with other people
its hard
as soon as we got back we went to subway and that was fine
after that we went to a really big outlet place we spent two hours there and left just about closing time
i got a necklace each for jess and lily and a pair of shorts and a pair of shiny pants
I’ve been thinking a lot about Jarrod while I’ve been here
i guess i miss him
but I’m not sure if its because of me needing someone to form an attachment with seeing as i don’t have brodie anymore or i jut genuinely miss him
its almost 7 i got a bit confused cos my laptop is still on kiwi time but yeah
its good this time of evening its not hot anymore and i don’t feel all gross
my thoughts do keep straying back to him
the third him not the very first one
this is the closest I’ve been to him even though its hundreds of kilometres away and i wonder if its the closest we’ll ever be to each other
this isn’t going in the right direction
reading the raven king the last raven boys book there were a couple of lines that have got me so far one of them being something about blue getting her strength or energy from being in contact with other people
and i get it
i feel better when I’m around people i care about and yes this excludes my family but not my friends or brodie thats how i gather my energy
but the person i care about most drains that energy he is very good at taking things from me that i wouldnt give to many people i think becca does that too not as well as he does but she takes a lot and i give and give and give and i do it because i care but i don’t get enough back from him to make up for what he’s taken
she on the other hand i can just ignore if i don’t want to give her anything or i can take a little myself if i need it but then she runs with it and it makes me uncomfortable or takes it past a point that I’m ok with
lily does something kinda similar she takes the whole brodie thing a bit too far like i know she doesn’t like him but she doesn’t have to keep reminding me and being negative about it
its obvious what he does I’ve said it
and Jarrod
he gives and gives and is so good and so caring and i did wrong by him
i want to apologise when i get home tell him that how things went was wrong it was something along the lines of wrong person wrong time right place and right person wrong time wrong place
i still don’t think its the right time
but maybe it never will feel like the right time until its happening because when somethings happening it always feels like the right time
anyway
that went in a un holiday related direction
going to read now i think
return to gansey and blue and adam and noah and ronan
……..imaginary security system in the form of a ventus ninja made the walk bearable

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