from my phone and finished later

REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKING LONG POST
LIKE THOUSAND WORDS

The bus ride was pretty sweet got my new songs on my phone all good
Went to paknsave got a lift went outside to wait for Jess
She texts and says she’s gon be late cos her driver took a fag break ok fine he’ll die early anyway
Then this lady older lady with her grandkids comes and sits right by my feet
Excuse me there’s a whole empty bench across the entrance that isn’t next to a dodgy teenager
Like sure I appreciate the whole not being scared of the evil youth and not protecting the kids from my satanic self but like still personal space mate we still have boundaries
I feel like I should be smoking if I’m sitting here I mean I am literally leaning against a no smoking sign but it’s the whole loitering thing
There was a lot of aimlessly walking back and forth and now I have $200 cash and in the metro hub
My bus is more than 12mins away
I missed it but only a minutes
The same homeless dude who tried to talk to me the other time is here
Can’t wait to bus through here at night
If I can hear your children screaming over the music that I’m playing on the highest volume literally inside my ears then they are too loud
A bus went past said available for charter but I’m still panicking that I missed my bus
And winding my self up by even writing this
I was about to text mum saying I’d missed the bus I’d opened my messages and then thank fuck the bus came around the corner
And I’ve got 20mins between getting off at villa and getting on the yellow line so hopefully it doesn’t effect that too much
I’ve texted Jasmine saying that I’m going tonight not entirely sure why but I did not even sure what kind of reply I’ll get but still can’t wait to see everyone again even if it is just in the show and I don’t get to talk to them afterwards I don’t even know how they’re going to be running it either seeing as I’ve never been part of a show at the hall
She texted back saying it’ll be cool to see me there I think she’s figured out I’m really not good with people
The old man couldn’t work the bus arrival time thing I think sometimes it’s just ain broken and others it’s temperature rather than pressure
Maybe he doesn’t have enough of a pulse to recognise on the sensor it’s harsh and not funny but yeah I still said it
Wish I had my sunglasses with me I was going to pick them up but I figured I’m out at 6pm it shouldn’t be that bad but I feel like I’m getting burnt
The bus smells like pizza and I’m not in a seat I like
Had two people sitting next to me first was fine whatever second is a basic chic and I feel inferior just sitting next to her so that’s fun also negates my security blanket illusion
Bus is packed though and I’m not exactly cornered like I’d feared I might be
Just gone past Sal’s where I went with the Halswell girls
Annoyed that I don’t have a window the roads are so bad around here
Once I’d read that the judges would be Moana Damien and three random audience members I kinda felt a little sad about not being in the slam tonight but my confidence isn’t up there and I wouldn’t want to read poems I’ve already done there
Just realised it’s a Friday night maybe not the best time to go out to Brighton in the evening
Yo we at eastgate the girl who was beside me moved and the illusion has been recovered she had the whole grey hair thing going on there’s an orange spot in it though and her ponytail is caught in her bobby pin which annoys me she had an infinity tattoo on the back of her neck and a relatively new on beneath that which starts with a fear dots and I guess extends to the rest of her upper back which is cool I guess
And an arrow industrial piercing which I’m jealous of because I physically couldn’t get one done
She’s gone now and the roads are even worse here than they were in town and there’s something wafting around
I think this is where mum stopped that one time and sent me into the dairy
These roads are the same kind of fun as earthquakes for me
Some girl has just sprayed perfume or something on and I hate it it’s been a minute
It’s been a minute since I notice and the headache started already
Just went past dad’s house
I ‘entered too many characters’ in the last not so I started a new one
That’s actually the first time that’s happened
Slightly somewhere I recognise now
It’s 7pm and my foots gone numb
Weird seeing everyone again after so long
If anything Calvin has improved even more
(current moment)
EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING
EVERYONE IMPROVED SO MUCH
I WANT TO GO BACK
theres more people there that i don’t know
i kinda got replaced
SO
AFTER THE BUS
kate saw me as soon as i crossed that road and it was kinda embarrassing but yeah we stood outside for a while before the doors opened
when i went in and showed chris my ticket he said they would’ve given me a discount or a free one or something but they didn’t know i was coming i mean it was only $7 its not a big deal
then when i saw lisa she pretty much dragged me back stage to say hi to everyone which was pretty awesome got to see the people
talked to jasmine and sarah a little bit
there was a little girl who i didn’t know and i heard Calvin telling her that i had been doing circus longer than he had and he’d been doing it longer than anyone else there had been
like shit thats true its been like six years
and I’ve on and off had a crush on him for that long but thats not relevant
the actual show was fucking great
there was a couple new people and people that started just before i left and i can’t remember their names but other than that it was really great to see everyone perform
Calvin and Bailey did tightrope and club juggling which was new and then Bailey and Jack(??) did rola but to Calvin’s song and it was just really really not ok
we had a laugh about it after
like i went around talking to everyone for quite a while i was just procrastinating leaving pretty much
said hi to Danielle and said to lisa that i missed it and she said i could still come and stage manage or perform with them
and actually I’m really considering going back next year
maybe my goal is to get back to my past fitness level over the holidays
not that id mention that to anyone because id never hear the end of it
but maybe… I’m probably not going to… although i did do a prone hold for a solid two minutes yesterday and then some stretching after for no real reason but that was nice
i went on a research rampage about would my piercings set off metal detectors cos not only do i not feel comfortable taking out my navel bar but i also don’t want rebecca or dad to know about it
as far as i can tell people on the interwebs are saying no it’ll be fine
i might just have to deal with it when it happens
shit thats not something I’m looking forward to
i think thats enough for one post and ill probably hate reading this back if i ever do because its so fucking long

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