fuck it felt like a long day

well not really a long day just it feels like i have a lot of things to write since i made the last post when really i don’t because it was at three this morning so not really that long at all
ima go change my lip ring and then finish this post cos i keep biting it out and its annoying
so things are kinda shit with mum as usual partly cos she told me i kept pestering her about wether we could give brodie a ride to faultline or not and she hadn’t given me an actual yes or no she just told me she didn’t want to and she was gonna be tired and just saying shit like that which usually means if i help with things then she will say yes eventually but then she kinda yelled at me about how i was guilt tripping her and i was like you didn’t actually give me an answer though and the said i told you i didn’t want to and i said that wasn’t a yes or no though and she got pissed at me
he did end up being there which i was really happy about and it was weird seeing him again like i dunno i just had lots of feelings at once but i didn’t really know how he felt cos we left it weird last night and barely talked today
ALSO I WAS WEARING WHITE JEANS like what the actual fuck AND HEELS which weirded him out cos i was too tall and i kinda felt weird but id been wearing them all day so id kinda gotten used to it
and then i ended up telling him the piercing and eventually at the end i showed him
how was he cold like i was almost overheating and he was sitting between me and a couch it wasn’t like he had a draft or anything like how
we started out with two glasses of coke then there was one that i stole sips from and then we actually shared one for some reason i find that cool
there ended up being body contact which i couldn’t really tell if it was intentional or not and then it was and pinkie swears and sweaty hand holding which like pretty much every time he touched me i got fuzzies like what the fuck its just another human
anyway the poems like the actual reason i was supposed to be there… i was shaking so much like way more than I’ve ever done in a performance ever and i was feeling very very weird about it i didn’t shake as much with the one about noah because it wasn’t like he was there and i really didn’t give a fuck
then it got to the end
wait jasmine was there and she read for the first time there were some australians there who were really cool and one of them alice was my favorite of the night the dead cat guy was there again but it wasn’t so bad this time
so the end of the night
i wanted to go outside so we just stood next to the entrance and i had no idea what was going to happen but had like the best hug I’ve had in so so long and he fully picked me up once and then i landed on his foot which in heels with slight platform was not great for him and surprise surprise after that we ended up kissing
like i had no idea that that was going to happen like i didn’t go into tonight going yeah gonna make out with the one of the only people i really care about at the moment like a was pretty sure there would be no chance of that happening
but it did and I’m so fucking happy about it
was not enough though
was no where near enough
there isn’t going to be a open mic at the end of next month cos its between christmas and new years but in the middle of the month theres going to be a slam which i might do but then i also might now I’m not really sure yet

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