my reasoning is fucked

weird conversation today
or lack of
and now i kinda feel bad
but also kinda feel nothing
i was annoyed at him yesterday for pretty much no reason except for the fact most of our conversations feel totally pointless
the first time he messaged me today i genuinely didn’t see it the second was just a dolphin which i left at seen and it doesn’t really make sense to me why i did
like i want to talk to him but i also don’t want to want to talk to him and maybe if i ignore him ill not want to talk to him as much and then what like i don’t know
then got spammed with oi and he asked what i was doing which i ignored for a while then left at seen AND I DONT KNOW WHY
it doesn’t make sense its rude and a shit thing to do and yeah he’s done it to me and i hated it so why the fuck I DONT KNOW
then a couple hours later i replied with meh and he left it on seen
like fair enough i get it
dad was over for a bit and i just sat there and said pretty much nothing like there was no point me being there
the piercing kinda hurts a little more than it did yesterday which is slightly worrying but hopefully its nothing
I’m just in a really nothing mood like everything is shit and if i do have feelings about something they last like two seconds before they’re gone and I’m not sure if I’m making this up or not like i really don’t know whats going on i feel like I’m just writing a whole load of crap that I’m not sure is actually true or not but i feel very alone but half the time i don’t care and i just don’t understand
its easy enough to say things but my emotions only feel skin deep
this sucks

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