i swear i had a title for this

like seriously I’m pretty sure at work i was thinking about what i was going to write and thought of a title for this post but i can’t remember what i was going to write and what i was going to call it
i don’t really know whats going on anymore
i can give my feelings percentages as much as i like rationalise and fractionalise my thoughts but the numbers just never seem to stick
spent like i million years straightening my hair after i got out of the shower today
showers have become dangerous things now
i hate mot being able to close my door
fucking painters
so last night i was bored and there was no point me trying to read or go on my laptop or anything because my door was open and light so i went to sleep at like 10
i woke up again like half 2 which is generally when id be going to sleep so i was like nah i probably shouldn’t start talking to anyone cos reasons and then what a surprise i start talking to brodie
for two hours
what happened then
last post i said i wanted to thank brodie for everything that had happened between us and i actually did…. then he got really weird acting like id just said goodbye I’m gonna go kill myself now like wow it takes misinterpreted suicide indications for him to act like he cares thats great maybe i should do that more often
and then i wouldn’t tell him what i got pierced and that was it till i woke up later
and then he really wanted to know
like really really would not let it go needing to find out right this second what i got pierced
i have to say though i did some pretty decent avoidance when he was asking and managed not to tell him
pretty proud of a particular thing i said but can’t really say
also the long game shit with not saying on here what i was getting pierced was fucking great cos he did try and find it out here but nope i know you stalker boy i know your ways
he thinks he’s getting better with things in his head
which yeah i agree cos he was going to make plans to do something… then he realised he already had plans but still finally realising that we can spend time together without having a thing going on is like holy shit
he also found out that I’m pretty much don’t like him at the moment and I’m not really sure why i didn’t want him to know i just didn’t like its not his fault its no because of anything he’s done it just is… or i guess isn’t… and anyway the whole 80% sure i don’t like him thing is slipping
and apparently I’ve been the only person who has always been there for him over the past few years even if he didn’t deserve it
dude there is no way that you wouldn’t deserve someone to be there for you no matter what and i was to scared to ask him to clarify “i wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t been so forgiving and understanding and supportive” cos just no
then he went back to asking about the piercing which i just hit with my laptop fucking ow and earlier today like three times with my phone
and he was like ill just have to try find it then
like what the fuck do you mean by that are you gonna grope me until you find it or are you implying removal of clothing cos i mean yeah you’re going to see it eventually because ill either wear something where its visible something will happen with us or ill feel bad for keeping it from you and end up showing you
he sent hearts like no you can’t do that it makes me feel weird
you know what also makes me feel weird…. the audio that i stopped listening to my music to hear…. and i can’t tell if its a good weird or a bad weird but it gives me feels and i don’t know how i feel about it cos it keeps creeping in from the corners of my mind and i try and ignore it but it don’t work…
anyway today was like nothing until like a while ago where i mentioned something about straightening my hair again and he wanted me to show him i complained and then sent a selfie a little bit later and don’t know whats gonna come from that cos i never do that like i shouldn’t care but for some reason i do like i dunno
going to youtube binge now and then cry once I’ve watched all the videos on my watch later playlist cos there won’t be any new ones till tomorrow


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