I still don’t know whats going on

like what is this we’re really dumb
he didn’t really mean it when he said it was going to be over forever he just wanted to give me closure
and I’m trying to keep this as just friends but I’m failing really bad because i don’t want to even though i cant really trust whats going on I’m half like fuck it lets see what happens and half do i actually like him its not a good place for my mind to be
thing is i don’t think we should be starting anything between us thats more than friends unless it will end up being something proper or official or whatever and i know he’s said he isn’t ready for a relationship again and doesn’t want to date me at all although I’m now not sure if he meant it or if it was something he was saying to try help me get over him
his face is on my wall again
anyway today has been weird cos of that and also I’ve been home all day like its the weekend but then i still have to go to work in the afternoons which is weird as hell like no i want to stay at home all day fuck off
i really want x you back but Ive managed not to so far so I’m gonna keep not because we can’t be doing this cos we’re so fucking dumb
but I’m gonna have a shower and die a little bit
also i wrote a poem about abuse that isn’t finished but its a whole load of crap like fuck

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