Is this?

i think i kinda realised why I’m not as fucked up about this as i thought i would be
or I’m not as fucked for as long as i thought i would be
i kinda saw this coming
not the whole this is final its over forever thing but it ending again
also because i wanted some kind of stability in what this was like it not being are we just gonna be friends are we more than friends are we gonna fuck for some reason is this going to work like now its straight up nothing is gonna happen so yeah thats a thing
and i haven’t seen him in person
i mean like for less than a minute but i haven’t seen him being happy and ok and its kinda like jealousy and kinda like if I’m hurting you should be too and also just seeing him in general is fucking difficult
because i switched my accounts i haven’t been able to go into your messages and read them over and over and over and over and cry about them and have them half memorised because I’ve read them so much
i don’t remember what you said
i know what it meant
but i don’t remember it

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