so that post from earlier was kinda dumb because i couldn’t be bothered going on my laptop and writing yet so i just sent one of the notes on my phone through the email thingy
lazy motherfucker i know
brodie lost his virginity yesterday to someone he doesn’t really know and apparently it was shit and he regrets it and when i asked if he still wanted us to work out he said yes
that kinda ruined my day
but talking to him a little bit now made me feel less death wishing
oh and he got high too
i couldn’t cope with that lack of control like i know how much i keep back inside my head and the thought of that filter being removed or weakened by drugs or alcohol it terrifies me
so now that we’re a little bit better i can write
I’ve been flicking myself in the wrist with a rubber band when I’ve been thinking about it too much and now theres like pretty raised bumps around my arm
i kinda think they maybe look a little bit cool… like they cal to my liking for scars and shit
because i was feeling crap i had a shower and washed my hair and did something weird with braids on one side
like the thing when shit happens is do something to your hair and like i don’t want to dye it again yet and I’m not cutting it so yeah thats all i kinda have left
wrote quite a few really short things that might get performed a one thing because they’re all the whole november first thing
some of them are ok

on the proposal of starting a snap streak: woah woah i don’t know if we’re ready for that kind of commitment like dude thats like almost marriage i don’t know if i can handle it

this is weird
i don’t know whats going on
but I’m going to talk to Mike on thursday
and see what happens before then


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