fuck not saying anything

like seriously i need to say shit
but also i don’t want him to be able to cheat i guess and read it off here rather than having an actual conversation
so the shit you need to be saying to me
rather than sending dolphins
is what you said to becca
i mean yeah i got screenshots but they didn’t make much sense because she missed bits and whatever
saying sorry doesn’t change the fact that i feel like I’ve wasted four years on being involved with you when nothing good has come out of it
im not doing poetry anymore
I’ve lost the friends i made cos of you
i now have a whole lot of mind issues from your emotional manipulation
and even with all this bullshit
i still like you
thats not all
thats nowhere near all of it
but thats all I’m gonna say
except why the fuck would amelia think i was mad at her?
sure i don’t like her but that was before they got together and its not like i hated her i just wasn’t desperately wanting to be friends with her
whatever this has nothing to do with her
except for the fact that he’s probably fucking her around cos she still likes him and he wants to be a hoe
which I’ve already said my opinions on that somewhere here
the further away from you i am the better
no fuck you
you want me to be happy
WAIT
WHAT
HOLY SHIT YOU ACTUALLY CARE
but dude thats just a fucking standard response
thats the thing you say when you know you’ve fucked up and hurt someone and its your fault and you know how to kinda fix it but you’re not gonna
AND NO I DONT FUCKING HATE YOU
and yeah i want to scream at you and you to feel guilty as fuck and feel shit about what you’ve done
BUT REALLY I ACTUALLY DONT
cos i want you to be happy
and i want you to be ok
and my problem is i keep trying to give you everything you want
but when i actually fucking need something
you mug me off like you couldn’t care less about me
and thats still not all of it but lets leave it at that before i wind myself up even more
cos hell knows I’ve already cried too much about this today

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