I Didn’t Almost Forget…

so today was nice
except for becca shit stirring and asking me of I’m ok constantly
like ugh
YES IM FUCKING OK BITCH LEAVE ME FUCKING BE
but seriously I’m surprisingly fine
i mean considering i read some of my most personal poem ever to people today… TWICE… and ditched the one class i did have to hang out with brodie
i mean talk about bad life choices right
maybe its cos rebecca left this morning or maybe i just had a chance to chill a bit
but i dunno I’m actually fine
its kinda weird how fine i am
figured out why though
also fucking leave off reminding me that we’re only friends and nothing is going to happen because i know that and i will explain that reasoning in a second just have to say that i finished the poem the really personal poem i don’t think its very good but generally i don’t think any of them are and I’m also thinking that it might be my second audition piece for rising voices its a bit different that my normal shit but i don’t even know what normal it for my writing anymore seeing as I’m starting to try write more into the damned and dying short story series thing with the punks that i love so much they’re great and precious and too good for the world
so anyway writing/finishing that poem and talking to lily and ew becca kinda made me realise shit
like I’m ok with nothing happening like for once its fine like I’m not expecting anything to happen (wait hang on weird thing on this coming up though) and I’m not thinking what if constantly like i literally have no expectations of this we’re friend and thats it yeah sure i like him whatever that doesn’t matter its not different than normal i guess its just not reciprocated this time and i don’t mind yeah maybe it would be nice if something happened but I’m fine with it not
IS THIS WHAT ITS LIKE TO GROW UP AND BE MATURE????
so what actually happened? he texted jess asking her to hang out in p6 with him her lily olive and i were just sitting in s5 i was bored as fuck and wanted to go for a walk but lily had said she would stay with olive and yes never would
anyway lily said to tell him nah cos jess was with her instead not sure what she actually replied but whatever and then he asked me and cos ima loser i went and then we talked and shit and music and whatever and then we left a bit early went to the supermarket i then missed my bus by like three minutes
AND ALL THAT TIME
it was like i was having flash backs it just felt like something was gonna happen like he was gonna do something but was just imagining things because thats just how things used to be and i thin thats only the second time we’ve been alone together since the him and lily thing the first being when i apologised for being a dick but yeah it was like overlaps of reality with shit that used to happen when we were together like that used to be the normal thing and it was weird that it wasn’t happening even though i knew it wasn’t going to
DOES ANY OF THAT EVEN MAKE ANY KIND OF SENSE?
nope? I’m just insane? ok then

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s