i don’t even know how to title this Part TWO

(part two me trying to find a non offensive way to tell you that i feel like you’re ignoring me all the time and you don’t care that you’re making me feel like shit and if its not that you don’t care that you don’t actually notice)
regardless of who the people are and my hypocrisy at even raising this as an issue how the fuck has jess not complained about the pda
that doesnt even make sense
i know i was bad
i was probably worse than you guys if I’m honest
(yep trying to say i instead of we totally makes it less awkward that you’re talking about making out with the same person hannah you’re such a smart kid honestly gET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER)
i don’t even know how to talk about this
i haven’t had a proper conversation with jess all week
the only times you and i really talk is on facebook now
i don’t even know how to be part of your conversations anymore
you all skype each other hang out outside of school text and message all the time and i never did that with you guys anyway and maybe thats my fault
but i don’t know how to have friendships like that
I’ve never had that
with anyone ever
this is something i want to talk to you in person about
and i know that going hey we just cleared all this shit up messaging but hey i still think theres a problem we need to sort out in person is kinda like walking into oncoming traffic but i don’t know how else to tell you and i need more time to think about this
all i have is a feeling and i need to figure out how to put it into words
if i didn’t make jokes with you guys i wouldn’t say anything at all cos you don’t even talk to me
how do you not see that you are the group
like i don’t want this to sound weird but i know it is you are everything to me it happened like i just said to you olive jess and i were all sitting apart on our phones or whatever not talking and you got there and said something like we were all so quiet or so boring and we kinda laughed and i said we were all waiting for you… which was a joke at the time but also its true
yeah jess and olive are friends but they kinda just sit together on their phones and only talk a little
i don’t really know how to talk to olive and not that i don’t like her but i don’t count her as a friend like i do you because like how do i even explain this I’m friends with her cos I’m friends with you? like maybe we would sit together if we were in a class and didn’t know anyone else but i kinda think thats about it i wish i did feel like we were better friends though
and then as i said i feel like i haven’t had a conversation with jess in what feels like weeks and maybe it is but after becca and i performed last night (after which none of you actually said anything to us about it you just sat there) i leant on jess for quite a while and thats honestly the closest I’ve been to another human in a long time and I’m so glad she didn’t push me off like she usually would have and i don’t really know why but yeah I’m glad she didn’t yeah be a cool kid and cry while writing this get a fucking grip
i really don’t want to go to school tomorrow and tell you how i feel like you don’t want to be friends anymore
people just don’t understand other people
you said you want us to stay friends i want us to stay friends
i keep everything serious inside my head and make jokes to try avoid drama
these are unintentionally offensive and make you think I’m a bitch and so you act a bit different
i kinda notice this and probably make more jokes and hope that you realise that I’m turning everything into a joke cos thats what i do when i feel like shit
you get more offended and don’t notice or maybe do but think I’m a bitch so you don’t care
i think that you don’t care and we aren’t going to stay friends and move away thinking if you aren’t going to say it to my face ill just go before you have a chance to
you let me go
because I’m not around you or anyone else to make jokes about anything with random dodgy things or about my life all the serious shit gets too much
and then we’re here
wherever the fuck here is
i dont know how to have friends

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