Faultline But No Earthquakes

the open mic night was tonight
and i spent the majority of today preparing for it… it was really weird like my tongue didn’t even fit inside my mouth properly anymore and i was still doing my performance voice
the fact that i even have a performance voice is slightly disturbing
anyway i was nervous as hell and i felt like i was going to die and i got another hole in my tongue (the surface of my tongue just kinda falls off when I’m stressed pretty quickly after i start feeling nervous some kinda exposed muscle showing you what your body is like on the inside kinda bullshit) and i felt like i was gonna be sick
then it started and stuff and there was the guest poet who went first so none of us had to then there was a guy who read last time then Arwen who i remember from last time and also sublime rhyme and then it was me
people say at the beginning of their poems something like this is called blank its about when blank blank blah blah happened or i have this friend who blah blah and i wrote this for them cos blank blank blah but nope not me i just said “i don’t really know what I’m doing so we’ll just see how this goes” and then a guy said from the audience “don’t worry none of us do” or “none of us know what we’re doing” or something else along those lines and then i read my thing the one kinda called “on watching someone you love hate everything”
honestly between then and when i finished i don’t really remember it like i don’t know what i said if i said it right or fucked up or what but they clicked lots and clapped lots and not wanting to sound like a bitch but it was more than the others had gotten but the audience had warmed up and some of the things people read were hard to relate to because they were more like stories but anyways
i knew it wasn’t going to be as bad as i thought it was going to be but it was even better than that cos after in the break before act two people came up to me and said they really liked it so yeah
it was great
you did really well keep writing
you sounded like you did know what you were doing
i loved the line about the ribs
my favorite bit was about the ribs
it was so good
i can’t believe you’re just sixteen
remember us when your famous
you should go to this camp workshop thing
everyone was really nice about it and i kinda wished id read something else as well but then kinda not cos i want to save things for when they mean something more than just words on a page like if i want to read it for a particular person who may be in the audience then yeah ill do it then
so yeah I’m almost definitely doing it again next time
29th of april
cancel all the nonexistent plans i have with all of my nonexistent friends I’m going to fault line open mic night


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