Crushing… Or Not So Much

to begin I think i should say that I’ve had crushes on guys for as long as i can remember… I guess it started in kindergarten with Fletcher Edmond but whatever no one cares about him (considering he was in a dream i had last night even though i haven’t seen him in four years i may possibly be lying)
so yeah I’ve had a crush on at least one or two guys since kindy… thats 12 years… TWELVE YEARS…. fuck…. ok so the point is i have liked a guy or two or five every day of my life FOR TWELVE YEARS… but now… I don’t… because all the usual suspects are kinda meh… Calvin who was kinda off limits anyway well i haven’t seen him in a couple of months so thats fizzled out… yashbir and brodie i just don’t… and NOAH IS AN ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE WHO I WILL DESPISE FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF THE Time i can manage to despise him for… and the Owen thing is just a joke like its never gonna happen because i probably won’t ever see him again unfortunately and honestly i can’t really remember exactly what he looked like in detail and its like the Rowan thing… the ongoing joke that sarah and i have that she and Rowan are together and stuff… yeah Owen is kinda my version of that… so yeah for the first time in twelve years i don’t actually like anyone and i was actually really surprised when i realised it… i think I’m actually kinda happy/proud of myself because of it…

ALSO I DID A BRAVE THING TODAY!!!!!!!!!
i helped this guy at the library with the issuing machine and i was so awkward but it was ok and like ahhhhhhhgggggggghhhhhh so he was trying to pay for the dvd he was getting out but he didn’t realise he had to press the next button to do it and after he tried like a couple times i just stepped forwards and was like if you’re trying to pay for it you have to press next and then i pressed it for him and he said thanks and i almost died but it was great… and in a book he would’ve introduced himself and asked for my number or maybe turned up at school when it started next month and we would have fallen in love just because he didn’t know how to issue out the schindlers list dvd (yes i checked what dvd he was getting shhh) but yeah thats not how life works

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