The Awkwardness Of Shopping

to add to my initial awkwardness about going into shops being around people and body image issues theres the actual clothes shopping buying trying on kinda shit…
i never know what size to aim for or if i want it in black or do i like it enough to have it in colour and if so what colour doesn’t look weird with my hair
and then also theres the fact that i want to look in the guys section because its better and half the time cheaper but then I’m too awkward to do that
and so i stick in my gender assigned section surrounded by dresses and skirts and pretty things that i think are horrible and why would anyone buy them let alone design them to begin with and then try and find something i don’t hate
Jess hates shopping with me because i just follow her around and don’t look at things but really i am looking around but not hands on looking like she does…
i just don’t fit with the places that we go to or even the places i go with mum and Rebecca and i guess the only place I’m comfortable at is the $3 place in ferrymead but we hardly go there cos its far away so it all kinda sucks a little bit…
and shoe shopping is the actual worst
theres nothing thats perfect its all nice idea but not even close kinda stuff and i can just wander around looking and going nope nope nope nope nope to absolutely everything and i always want heels but they’re never the right ones and i don’t feel like i can wear heels anyway cos of my height and also where would i wear them? to school? yeah i don’t think so…

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