The Right Way To Fall In Love: A Beginners Guide

First you have to have a tragic back story
Like one or both of your parents died or your brother or sister died and you blame it all on yourself or you had a psychotic episode that may or may not have been caused by something supernatural or some such similar tragedy that has befallen you in the tender mid-teen years of your life
BUT you can’t tell anyone the real story or the entire truth or you don’t even really know what happened and you can only refer to it as the incident or the accident or before
and then because of that event you have to move away from your childhood home or go to wive with some distant relatives or to a different part of town or across the entire country or change schools
when you’ve got these things down the next step is to meet some people preferably with their own skeletons and secrets or a old friend from when you were a kid or a dangerous guy from the wrong side of the tracks or the boy everyone overlooked or a friend of a friend or a random dude who took some interest in you at a party
But then you have to fall for someone else or avoid them as much as possible or hate them because they’re suck a dick or not even really notice them or deny any possibility you could feel something for them or mess around with them because you just need to feel validated or do something that puts them in terrible danger
once you’ve done all this its time to move into the final stages of falling in love
discover something about your tragic backstory you had never suspected like someone isn’t actually dead or they weren’t really your birth family or the guy you’ve met had something to do with it or the powers you denied truely exist
and then have a total mental breakdown and cry and scream and have hysterics in the arms of the said guy and especially if it turns out he had something to do with it you have to attack him and try and hit him and then burst into tears AND all of this must end with a semi-accidental kiss which neither of you mention again
you’re close to the finish line now and its time to go on a journey with this boy that you’ve found to discover your birth parents or find the person you thought was dead or accept your true powers or hear his heartfelt confession on this journey you have to keep replaying the kiss that you shared and over analyse things and do some deep soul searching and realise you really do have feelings for this guy that you never anticipated having all the while avoiding danger and misreading all the gestures this boy sends your way about how he might feel the same…
and now for the final step when your boy is gravely injured or standing with you triumphantly or begging for your forgiveness or has just awkwardly been introduced to the mother or father you thought had died or the parents that lost you when you were a child or had seen you unleash your powers in a violent and excessive fashion you look into his eyes and see your feelings reflected there or you tell him that you haven’t stopped thinking about that kiss or why is he still there after he’s seen what you’ve done or you tell him you’d forgive him for anything or he tells you he only did it because he loved you
then and only then can you fall in love and kiss each other again and ride off into the sunset to do whatever it is that people do when they’ve fallen in love but the story finished

i have no idea what the fuck i just wrote and this is nowhere near what i intended to write about today but whatever… i guess this is what happens when you read so many books about people falling in love but this shit doesn’t happen in real life its obvious because by now I’d be riding off into the sunset with someone… or maybe it just happens in america and not in new zealand because we haven’t evolved enough as a society yet… who knows


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