Needing Someone

not anyone in particular not really… just someone who i can trust someone who i can talk to anything about who i can just be around
its hard to be alone
its hard to be around people
whats worse than both those things is being lonely
i thought that me staying in my room… not talking to my friends… choosing this… deciding that i wasn’t going to socialise or whatever was going to make it better
but it hasn’t
i though i was ok but it turns out not so much… I’m hoping this is just late night emotions that always seem when i least want them but i need someone to confide in where i don’t have to worry about what i say to them and how they’d take it even with my friends now i don’t think i can say whatever i want to them and even with the person i trusted most in the world i couldn’t speak freely either
and it hurts to not have someone
it almost physically hurts to feel so alone right now and sure my friends would care but i just can’t be bothered because i don’t want friends right now i need something else
and as much as i cry or write or imagine it sure as hell isn’t happening


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