i don’t remember really what this is

i apologised to you
for being something you could live with
and you knew that i was something i hated
you had to know because you know me
but you didn’t talk me down
you encouraged me to be something i would loathe
days later i still regret it
but what kills me more was when i felt better
it wasn’t because of you
i want to call you i want to cry i want you to know everything i figure out about my feelings i want you to act like you care and you say you do so fucking prove it i don’t believe you for a second
i hate caring about you but I’m terrified of the moment when i stop because what kind of person does it make me to not give a fuck about my love my world my everything but i guess that already happened didn’t it
with jarrod
it so hard not to talk to you the amount of times I’ve looked at my phone and wanted to message you or opened your chat window out of habit it kills me a little because you said that you’d be there when i needed you but i still need you even though i don’t want to and I’m scared of when ill stop needing you but hopefully by then i won’t care

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