Pre-Apocalypse

things were great which is why i wasn’t writing on here
they were great
were
aren’t anymore
not by any stretch of the imagination
but I’m not up to that yet
that will come in a blaze of acid and hellfire
(something poetic in there to use later?)
id talked to miriam every week
id been teaching circus at school
circus in new brighton was going ok
work was sill work but i was getting paid
id fallen back in love…
yeah dumb idea
i thought so too but did i care? obviously not then
now? well…
yayyyy love happy shit cuteness and crap like that which warms the heart of a closet hopeless romantic like myself…
and then there was the fireworks
not like a thing you’d write like for imagery to describe how you were feeling but literal fireworks in the sky at night that i hated
but it was ok because i was in love and for the first time in roughly one year and four and a half months Brodie and i were doing the couple thing again
and i almost cried when he had to leave…
and then there were more i love yous and lies
i mean they weren’t lies at the time sure but they ended up being so
idk not really maybe cos maybe you still want that shit like when i said i don’t know what id do without you and you said you didn’t know either but you didn’t want to find out… yeah maybe you don’t but heres what happens…
i become a bitch
a reckless uncensored broken bitch
at least a third of the time
the rest i spend pretending that everything is ok and either feeling like shit and crying or feeling like shit and not crying
and i wish this had never happened that we’d never started talking again and i found someone else
not you not noah or yashbir or calvin or any other guy that i have history with but someone new… no chance of that though…
because i love you…

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One thought on “Pre-Apocalypse

  1. Pingback: Days clean: zero | The Wild Typewritten Pages

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