Goals

in the past i haven’t been too good at setting goals and finding ways to achieve them if i do manage to set them at all i think its in part because I’m not entirely sure where i want to end up in life i want to do something i like and thats pretty much all I’ve got yeah theres the goals that i had in my last post but they don’t feel quite right i need goals i need to find a passion a reason to live not that I’m considering killing myself (I’m not, just to clear that up) something to live for and something i can look forward too… going to new york at the moment thats a dream not a goal so is moat of the things on that list in the other post the only goal really at the moment is getting my learners licence which i can’t get for a few months yet because I’m not old enough so the only thing i can do about that at the moment is learn the road rules and take tests online and wait and earn money by working at the school cleaning with mum so i guess i have a plan
the other thing that wasn’t on the list was school achievements like ncea which I’m having trouble with at the moment especially the media studies assessment that I’m supposed to hand in in 6 days that i haven’t been able to start because it upsets me too much and i start crying when i think about it too much on the school front i feel empty i know I’m expected to get level 1 so i can get level 2 so i can get level 3 so i can get ue and leave school and go to uni and get qualifications and get a job and somewhere in all that find a boyfriend fall in love get engaged get married and reproduce and then retire I’m doing ncea because its expected of me because I’m told that i should be doing it and yeah ill go along with it but its someone else’s plan for me its the goal they want me to reach not the one i want to achieve for myself
i suppose I’m going along with it though while I’m still trying to figure out what i want to do what the goal i really want to achieve is

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