Cue The Psychotic Rant

so in regard to this afternoon’s situation that even if they were trying to get me wet (shudder i know what the future me will be thinking when she/i read this again and its not that) by pulling tree branches down and getting drips on me god it reminds me of when i did that to Fletcher in what year 5? and he screamed it was amazing so Brodie was getting himself wet and Noah had all the sex and Brodie watched through the window… so thats the longest conversation/argument/whatever the hell it was with Noah in like forever and I’ve spent more time around Brodie this week than i have for months so yeah thats why I’m dying because my feelings don’t make sense but then they do and then they don’t again and everything tastes like garlic like eeeew don’t eat chocolate after you’ve eaten garlic just no… roses are red violets are blue it would be easier if i didn’t have feelings for either of you… meaning Brodie and Noah 1> i still can’t figure out if i miss having a boyfriend or miss Brodie being my boyfriend or miss being around him all the time (pretty much all the above) 2> i miss kisses and i miss kissing Brodie because he was the only guy I’ve ever liked kissing and ugh i miss it so much 3> i miss hanging out with Noah and yeah i hardly ever talk to him anymore not like we talked that much anyway other than me making stupid mean comments but… 4> is there even a 4? not really I’m so confused but not really and this is just the same stuff over and over again and I’m kinda surprised not to get a text from him after the note but like ugh he was sitting with him and like distracted… Lia bussed with me all the way to Halswell and she kinda has a crush on an old friend of mine who she said looked a bit like Vanessa Hudgens kinda true and she made me introduce her and its not my job to tell other people’s secrets i can’t believe iv still been writing in the notebook like why do i even bother and never shall i roam for i know my place is home where the ocean meets the sky ill be sailing pthhhhh rod stewart lyrics… Seth is probably moving schools next year and Brodie’s moving school next year and yeah I’m losing them I’m losing it I’ve lost my mind and my feelings too well the ones that i understand how can i understand other people when i don’t even understand myself  this is a pathetic start to the naturals program even tough I’m not a natural and yeah I’m teaching myself which is probably gonna turn out badly


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