get someone with mild paranoia to organise your events and outings as they will make sure there wont be any problems not at all there cant be a single problem everything must go perfectly nothing can go wrong
the whole thing with peter robinson was good although my back hurt i really needed to pee and id seen the exhibition before
i also kinda agreed to send him my poems that i wrote at the workshop
cant find how to contact him though so i might have to send them through coca maybe??
anything else really is like nothing
got the bus home
went to the library and had a bowl of hot chocolate
i did give ethan the rabbit because i dont know how to have conversations with people
my insides feel very bad
dyed mums hair
thats about it


the fuckery

so thats what i started today
the big thing
the two tier thing thats the 14613 thing on a larger scale
gonna need more clay
i seem to have mental breakdowns on the way to the supermarket all the time
ethan came into the art room in the morning looking for me to tell me that cameron had passed away
its hard to know what to say when someone tells you something like that
i think it got to him more than i thought it would have
so brodie had messaged me on snapchat on thursday
i feel like a bit of a dick but like i never use it
i don tknow how i missed the notification at the time but like
i feel kinda bad
didnt end up having the meeting at the cuban but at school
loghann and i are booked into a course on tuesday next week to do the bar quals and then maybe going to the cuban the day after
i agreed
stupidly might i add
and now i regret it but also i feel like its not happening and that its not going to happen
i agreed to talk to about 200 teachers about whats i do with my time at school
the thing is i dont really know what to say
i was more myself in front of steven than i have ever really been and i think thats cos loghann was next to me
like of course though


there was a time a while back where i was watching vice videos and ive kinda gotten back into that and like prison documentaries
so my alarm went off like it was supposed to at twenty past eight and then i fell back asleep and woke up an hour later which was 10 mind before dad was coming to pick us up for morning tea
i got ready in twelve minutes
that is unheard of in my life ever
but then dad was running late and wasnt there till after 10
which was fine whatever just like i was a panic but we went to oderings cafe which was fine whatever rebecca could eat stuff there
then came home watched some stuff she left and went back to the coast and now we’re here
so i got the tracing pad of ebay right ages ago
and it arrived
or at least it arrived a couple days ago and mum only got it to me today
it works
havent actually tried to trace anything yet but still
i also think itd work good for taking photos and being a light source for that kinda thing too

the movie was terribl-y emotional

ok so fucking finally to infinity war
was a good
was emotional was a laugh was a fuckery
had a good time with jess
bought some shit too that was cool
yup that was a thing
its the royal wedding tonight and i dont really care its just that now i can stay up way past my ‘bed time’ and not have to pretend im actually asleep and that
felting again and my fingers hurt
thats cool
i may have gotten two new cans of lynx like maybe i have a problem because theres six of them now
theres i think two or three that i dont have
yeah whatever im over it

fuckinggggg fuck

i wish people would stop sending emails to the whole school when other people have left their emails logged in on school laptops or whatever
just log them out and its whatever
like youre not teaching them a lesson
the only people that would fuck with them are you the people sending the school these emails from their accounts
i dunno whats up with everything
showed sophie my stuff in the art room
going to the cuban
rebecca is coming home late
might try and go to the Naz cafe with lily
going to finally see avengers tomorrow
im sitting on a towel right now cos i spilt water in my bed and its hecking uncomfortable
i dont know what else
i think i need a break from thinking about all this art shit
i also bought the kwite shirt because i have little to no impulse control when it comes to supporting creators i love with merch and that
and proceeds are going to the american suicide prevention thing which i fully and wholeheartedly support
couldnt quite justify getting a hoodie though when ive just gotten the ‘damb’ one and it wasnt available in black so like its all good cos honestly im running out of shit that i feel good about wearing and knowing that its like going ‘hey i like what youre doing bro’ to a creator and also to what the money is going towards
its gonna be something i feel good wearing

soooo like fucking good but like also??

so school i have to like really get into it with art
its a birthday today
messaged him but thats like it didnt have a conversation or anything
speaking of not having conversations with people the fucking dick
whatever he will have his reasons or something for not being a human currently
so ive been doing some bullshit plans and inspiration things and scanning them in to put them in the instagram page
i changed it to a business profile and it fucked it fully like i had to create a
lily came to school
it was awesome
we talked about everything thats been happening
we talked about friday and about my broken insides and about having kids and going to family planning and getting me tinder and her coming over in the weekend but really itll be next weekend and man ive missed her
then we went back into the art room
and we all went home
went to work
fb called jess for like an hour and we’re going to infinity war on saturday and i prebooked tickets for it
thats about it really
i feel like otehr stuff happened but i think its just that lily and i talked for ages

eyyy its a thing now

so ive published my art site to the public now and started posting on my instagram account for it
so theres this tumblr user who perfectly describes how i feel about the whole artist culture on instagram “the whole artist and self promotion culture on instagram seems so superficial and maybe toxic in the way that it could easily become a numbers game
tag what is popular and relevant and like other peoples posts whether you like them or not and comment nice things whether you like them or not
all of it is just to get noticed and to gain a following and to be something on the platform and none of it seems genuine to me” – surprise that was actually me
but like ya know? thats just the way it seems to me
like i can get just as many likes on a photo with art tags on an account i have no followers on as i can on my personal one where i have friends
yeah so i did all the photos and that to be able to get the socials started up and mum booked in my appointment next week to go green again so that completed my list of the things i had to do before getting the hoodie
and now ive paid for it
its a thing
its happening
lilys brother is not doing great
jess might be coming in tomorrow

i was having a great day

it was good im doing better with my art than i thought i was and was with loghann all day and whatever shit happened and it was a good time
i had to take a time out on the way to the supermarket because i was a hysterical mess so i didnt speak till we got to the hot food counter
messaged brodie he’s doing good – sober
then i ended up playing chess with shayden after work
it was weird
i dunno like he’s cool though hes the kid that i met at the pirates day thing that i was helping mum do a couple years ago
i wouldnt mind doing that again
but not in the winter holidays
and then i was painting which wasnt bad
and then i called zaks and they said they’d call me back and never did
and then i cant for the life of me manage to have a conversation with brodie anymore
i dont know if its the change of platform somehow or his change in himself or me just being my nonfunctioning self i dont know i just cant
i feel like its something wrong with me when logically it isnt like logically i know im not at fault here but i cant make myself believe it and its not going well inside my head anymore

yeh idk bonding or somethign

did art stuff
had a talk with holly and my next thing is to out some stuff in the office and also to keep painting them and doing the site but i have to paint them to take photos to put on the site to be able to do anything first ey
might be able to take some photos of the smaller ones to then put them on the instagram account
should probably paint the duck dragon when im at home
went to the supermarket with loghann and rose before lunch where rose confided in us what had been going on in her life and then we went again at lunch with other people kinda and it was a good time
we were all doing our things and it was good
i gave loghann the list of flowers for what i might be commissioning her for later on
accidentally got an aussie accent this evening because of youtube
that and the weird uk hybrid one are what i get stuck in if ive been hearing it a lot and whatever
been watching more of harrow but only a little
was a pretty good day overall though i do want to talk to brodie even though i dont know how anymore